Fish — Caviar for your ears. Pinks reds blues purples bruises peaches plums. An evening out, a pearlescent sheen to finish the outfit, dangling from a hook off your lobe, like a fish hooked on a line or looped in plastic—a sheen like oil and water (prey, ensnared: pray). — Fish
Cowgirl — Howdy, cowgirl! Shine up those boots and head to the farm or for a night out on the town. Sparkling in the sun, walking through the fields, the muck and mud of a beer-filled dancefloor. These lil fellas will bring a sparkle to your eye and a scoot to your boot. Whether the boots are noticed by friends (caught up in the glimmer of snakeskin and sterling silver) or caught in the galaxy eye of a Holstein-Friesian, the green grass, the blue skies, the dark den of the dance cave, will pale in comparison to the twinkle of your toes. — Cowgirl
Hedge — Trim your bush! This handbag requires 4 to 6 hours of sun everyday, low amounts of water—grows slowly. Make sure the climate conditions of where you are located will benefit this spectacular bag. Pairs well with gardening shears and denim overalls. — Hedge
S'mores — Just what is it that makes this campfire so different, so appealing? Throw some logs on the fire, curse a bit, use up all the saved newspaper, blow until your face turns red. Finally, the blaze is roaring, the marshmallows are out. Delicate pillowy spheres—marshmallow globules. A toast to the foray ...

Pursue the Holy Grail. For this journey you must ready yourself; you must be dressed as Mary Magdalene in a bikini, sunglasses, and as much gold as you can find. Jewelry should weigh on your neck and ears, and your body must be close to the sun. Go outside. Stand on your balcony. Float to the clouds. There you will find a gate guarded by thirty-six Templars; they will ask you twelve riddles; these are holy numbers. They are beyond us. These riddles come from a dark oasis, discovered centuries ago and buried deep in our memories. They smell of almonds, peaches, and myrrh. If your resolve is strong, if you are learnéd, they will lean in close; they will breathe on your neck, and they will whisper a secret into your ears. Drink from the grail. Coil a snake around your hand. Dress as your great grandmother. Consume the driest martini you can make. Close your eyes, and fall into the deepest sleep possible. You are a conduit. Speak with your ancestors. They talk in an unfamiliar language, but do not worry. Meaning goes beyond words. There is so much to learn, and you...

bad dog.

I know I am in trouble but I am not sure why. I had come inside, sure, but that was normal. I had to use the bathroom, so I did what any reasonable person would do: took a shit somewhere discreet. This is all typical, no surprises yet, nothing out of the ordinary. But! When my good friends came back into the room, they started yelling at me in their strange language! Absolutely baffling. In a panic, I screamed back saying “I am just trying my best here!” As always, they did not understand.

.dog bad